This is a partial summary of John SANFORD’s book: The invisible partners, how the male and female in each of us affect our relationships
Men think they are men and women think they are women, but each being is androgynous because each man carries within him a feminine part and each woman a masculine part. The first man Adam carried within him Eve, his feminine part hidden in his body. From the separation of this complete androgynous being, 2 polar beings were born, opposed but complementary, trying to find their missing part through their union.
The mythologies of the world also relate the creation of an original bisexual being, then divided into two female and male beings. The union of these 2 principles reconstitutes 1 complete being; this union is nevertheless achieved internally by each man and woman through their androgynous nature, through the alliance of these 2 energies.
Carl Jung was the first scientist to observe this dual aspect of human nature with the anima (feminine component of man) and the animus (masculine component of woman) animating the soul. This animus and anima appear in dreams, myths, tales, literature, and of course in human behavior: they are the invisible partners of every human relationship.
One is not superior to the other. Can we say that full is greater than empty? They are 2 polarities, 2 psychic or cosmic principles. Our feminine (for a man) and masculine (for a woman) components most often escape our attention, because they are unconscious.
The ego of each person identifying with their biological gender, excluding their opposite part. Integrating this opposite part amounts to integrating our shadow side in order to become complete. Man projects his anima onto women, woman projects her animus onto men; we do not recognize them because they seem external to us. Recognizing and accepting them is therefore important for self-knowledge.
These projections greatly influence romantic relationships, because projecting and therefore idealizing a partner amounts to over- or undervaluing them; in any case not to see it as it is, but as we want it to be. These projections charged with psychic energies strongly control us on an emotional level. They are positive (the partner appears fascinating, attractive, desirable) or negative (disillusionment leading to separation).
A person with a psychic image projected onto them has power over another. But this projection, although rewarding, is limiting: the person is loved not for what they are, but for what they represent as a phantasmal projection of the anima or the animus of the other partner. Human reality will inevitably want to go beyond this framework of possession and restriction. The positive projection can be replaced at any time by the negative projection, bringing disappointment and bitterness.
Like a pendulum, a projection energetically calls for its opposite. So the idealized partner is perceived in a false way; and the other partner projecting his psyche misses his own creative flame because it is displaced externally in the idealized partner. Falling in love, experiencing love at first sight concerns these projections: the relationships that result from them are condemned because they are based on illusions. Reality sooner or later catches up with human life. These idealized relationships only belong to the domains of gods, myths, tales, fictions…
A relationship based on projections obscures human love. Being in love through projections is equivalent to being in love with yourself, with the reflection of your soul. Real love begins with perceiving and accepting a person as they are.
But this human reality can seem disinteresting and boring; many preferring to change partners when the projection pendulum swings in the wrong direction. It is obvious that no true love can develop in this context of non-reality.
But the projection of animus and anima is not bad in itself; it’s an opportunity to (re)know them because they finally become visible. Each idealization is therefore an opportunity to discover our soul. Romantic relationships begin with projections; but are these relationships impasses or means of developing our consciousness? “The soul of the lover lives in the body of the beloved.”
Projection is then a means of connection to one’s soul, fantasies a path to self-discovery. The animus and anima are personifications of the powers of our creative gifts. The projection of our psychic energies must be reintegrated into oneself to realize their full potential in the service of our soul path.